Mickey and Mallory Encounter a Triffid
by Nine Bright Shiners
Summary: NBK x Triffids. While driving through the desert, Mickey and Mallory spy a bizarre shambling shape on the horizon. They move in to investigate ... and chaos ensues. M for language, sexual themes and violence. Mashup of the movie Natural Born Killers and the book Day of the Triffids. The premise: what would happen if Mickey and Mallory encountered a triffid?


**Mickey and Mallory encounter a triffid**

'What the fuck is that?' Mallory said, staring hard, her hand shading her eyes.

Mickey didn't reply, putting his foot on the brakes, swiftly slowing the car from an illegal 75mph to a cruising 30mph, his eyes fixed on the shambling shape in the distance.

'Weird,' said Mallory, snapping her gum.

Apart from their car, it was the only thing moving in the vast flat landscape. They could just make out a large, muscle-like mass, brownish-green in colour. It had three blunt appendages at its base, on which it staggered like a man on crutches.

'Is that … a plant?'

Mickey nodded, not taking his eyes off it for a moment.

'You gotta be fucking shitting me! A walking _plant!_ You sure we ain't high?'

'We ain't got nothing to get high on,' mumbled Mickey, reaching for his gun where it was stowed in the glove compartment, brushing his fingers against the cool metal. He didn't like the look of that thing. The chill of the metal calmed him.

Mallory stood up in her seat, gripping the sides of the car to steady herself. 'Let's get a closer look.'

Mickey flicked his gaze to her, then nodded once. He pushed the brakes again, easing the car towards the plant so that they were approaching it head-on. He stopped the car forty metres away from it and they both climbed out.

'Aw, you ain't scared?' mocked Mallory, when she saw Mickey take his gun.

'I ain't scared,' he muttered, his eyes fixed on the shambling thing. 'Just cautious.'

'Well alright then.' She gave him an odd look, then turned back to the plant. It lumbered towards them, its funnel-like head straining forward. It made Mickey feel seasick watching it.

Suddenly Mallory let out a howl of laughter. Mickey winced. 'I ain't never seen such a dumb-lookin' thing in my life!'

The thing lurched forward a few more steps, then came to an abrupt halt.

Mallory stopped laughing. 'Why'd it stop?'

'I don't know.' Mickey tightened his grip on his gun. He felt a chill on the back of his neck, like the one he felt before he killed.

The three legs stuck into the ground resolutely. For now, it wasn't going anywhere.

Mallory's brows lowered in a petulant frown. 'Maybe it's scared of us. I'm going closer.' And she marched forward.

Mickey followed, more slowly.

Mallory circled the plant, her hands on her hips. 'It's tall,' she said. 'Taller than you. Look at those funny little stick things. What the hell are they _for?'_

Lightning fast she poked the plant in its stem. It stayed firmly where it was. She wrinkled her nose – then without warning, struck a punch.

It didn't even twitch.

'You're one tough son of a bitch,' she said admiringly. 'Ain't it?' she said over her shoulder to Mickey.

He smirked back at her. The thing was harmless. He was starting to feel silly for taking his gun.

Now Mallory was poking it again. 'I want it to move. _Move,_ you stupid thing! MOVE!'

But it remained solidly anchored.

'Look at those dumb little legs,' Mallory said, kicking one. 'The way it _walked!'_ And she started pitching about in an impression of the plant. He couldn't help laughing. She was brilliant. Fuck, he loved her.

She shambled up to him and toppled forward on purpose so he had to lunge forward to catch her.

'Now you try,' she wheedled, leering up at him, sharp teeth flashing.

'I ain't walking like some cripple,' he laughed, pushing her away.

'You ain't no fun!' she cried, shoving him back.

He grabbed her close. 'Oh yeah?' he murmured against her lips. 'You sure about that?' He tugged her bottom lip with his teeth.

She groaned. 'Prove it to me, baby,' she crooned, kissing him back, her hand sliding down his t-shirt, reaching for his pants –

Suddenly he froze. 'What was that?'

She pulled back. 'What was what?'

He stepped away, looking at the plant. 'It's making a noise. Those stick things.'

The little stick-like projections growing vertically at the base of its stem were drumming swiftly, making a small pattering noise. Mickey felt a chill on the back of his neck again.

'What's it mean?' Mallory was crouching slightly; her head jutting forwards in the way that meant anybody nearby had better run.

Mickey didn't answer. He pulled his gun out of its holster.

'It's creepin' the hell outta me,' moaned Mallory. 'Make it stop.'

'Shut up!' he snapped at her – and the thing went still.

They watched it suspiciously for a minute or two, but it stayed silent.

Mallory let out a raucous laugh, grinning devilishly. 'Wanna know why it stopped? It wants more _action.'_ She wriggled her eyebrows and made a grab for Mickey.

He backed away. 'Don't be stupid, Mal. It can't see.'

'But it can _hear_ can't it? It shut up when you told me to shut up. Maybe it gets a kick out of hearing people fucking.' She ground her hips suggestively, groaning.

'You're an idiot, Mal.'

'What if I'm right?' She swayed towards the plant, mocking and bandy-legged, her arms wide. 'Am I right, pervert? Am I –'

What happened next was so fast neither of them reacted until it was too late.

The cup-like projection at the top opened and a jet of venom shot out, striking Mallory on the cheek.

'AAAAAGHHH!' she howled, staggering backwards, clutching her face. It was hard to tell if she was screaming with pain or outrage. 'AAAAAGHHH! It shot me – the fucking thing shot me!'

Mickey grabbed her hands and yanked them away from her face. She struggled against him. 'Let me _see!'_ She let him. He breathed out in relief. 'It's just your cheek; it didn't get your eyes.'

'It HURTS!' she bellowed. 'Give me your gun. I'm teaching that fucking thing a lesson.'

Before he could respond a jet of venom struck his back, sending a searing pain straight to his brain.

He screamed. While half his brain struggled to cope with the pain, the other half made his hand grab his gun, raise it to shoulder height, and fire directly into the venomous cup.

It exploded, scraps of membrane scattering at its 'feet'.

'YEAHHH!' yelled Mallory, pumping the air with both fists. 'That'll teach it!'

The stem remained immobile, despite the force of the shot. But the little sticks were pattering manically.

'Ain't dead yet? You will be!' Mallory grabbed for Mickey's gun and he let her take it, watching, numb with pain and fading adrenaline as she fired over and over until the plant was shot to bits. Then she knelt down and snapped off the little sticks one by one. 'How'd you like THAT?' she shrieked, tossing them away. 'Ain't so uppity now, are you?'

'Mal…'

She didn't hear him, in the middle of ripping off the plant's leaves and shredding them, getting to her feet and stomping on its legs.

' _Mal!'_

She looked up at the note of alarm in his voice. 'What?'

'Look.'

She turned her head – and saw a line of advancing, shambling shapes on the horizon. She stared. 'How many _are_ there?'

'I don't know. Twenty. Maybe more.'

She stared at them for another minute, then got to her feet, wiping her hands on her pants. 'I ain't runnin'.' She looked at him, her head cocked to one side, her eyes hard. 'Are you?'

He tore his eyes away and looked at the advancing plants. He had a brief vision of him and Mallory streaking away in their car, leaving the plants far far behind. Then his back gave a vicious throb, and he looked back at Mallory, seeing the angry red burn on her cheek.

He shook his head. 'I ain't runnin',' he said softly.

She grinned at him and he grinned back, that old thrill passing between them. It was time for the slaughter.

* * *

 _A/N: Thanks for reading. If you like_ Natural Born Killers _you might like to check out a few fan videos I made featuring Mickey and Mallory - my YouTube account name is_ Vogue Elf.


End file.
